Archives: The Epic Fight

April 12, 2011

I’m not certain I haven’t ever published this, but I know I shared it with friends. It was written in September 2008.

~ * ~

Thunder tore the already tense silence, as everyone prepared mentally for the final showdown.
“Do we really have to?” asked warily an already exhausted Aleksi.
“You know we don’t have a choice,” answered Paavo, completing a bandage on his leg. “We can’t let it continue any further.”
Aleksi turned to Alarik, who was snoring softly on the floor. “I fear we might not come back from this one…”
The bearded hero regarded his companion gravely.
“I know, but this is the life we chose. If we backed up now, would you be able to live with yourself, knowing everything that is at stake? People trust us, we have to live up to their expectations, or perish trying to protect them.”
His friend sat down beside their sleeping partner. Poking him distractedly, he answered in a tired voice, “…I know.”
Lightning brightened the inside of Dog’s Home for an instant, highlighting their worried faces as Alarik stirred in his sleep, annoyed by Aleksi’s poking.


“Your evil days of frightening people are OVER!”

The statement hung heavy in the air, to be soon chased away by the wind. Rain had ceased, for now at least, you know the weather in Tampere, and a fresh breeze reminded of the nice summer days and strawberries sold by the street.

The blond hero stood defiantly in front of his enemies.
“…you think you can stop us?” asked Kimmo, his eyes squinted in a mild glare.

Theon replied with a duck face.

“…alone?” added The Scary One, stretching his arms.

From his mighty dolphin steed, Iso T refused to flinch.
“I vowed to protect the people and I will risk my life to fulfill my promise!”

The Glaring Finns glanced at each other, careful not to wound themselves by doing so.
“Very well,” replied Grumpy Antti. “If you are willing to give your life, we’ll gladly take it.”

Thunder rolled again, and rain resumed pouring, extracting a loud “SHIT!” from everyone present. Theon was introduced to the ground as his fearless dolphin ran for cover, cursing the freaking rain that would ruin his hair.

Already, Kimmo, Oskari and Antti were glaring at the sky, scaring the clouds away. When the sky proved empty of everything, they had to threaten the sun to go back in place, after finding it hidden behind a building.

They were all ready to pick the fight where they had left it – Theon had straightened his costume while his enemies were arranging the scenery – when a voice was heard.

“You didn’t think you could begin without us, did you?”

Theon looked up in disbelief.

“…is that you, GOD?”

Through the loud clap of simultaneous facepalms, the voice added, ignoring the previous question,

“We are the Flying Potato Junkies, and we shall not let you rule this Earth with your Evil Glares!”

Eyerolls from the enemies’ side.

“You again? I thought we’d gotten rid of you french fries like, an hour ago!” answered a very annoyed Antti.

Alarik looked suddenly alarmed. “WHAT? Really?? Did I miss that again??”

Aleksi comforted his friend as Paavo flew to Iso T’s side. He placed a hand on the young hero’s shoulder, declaring solemnly, “I will not let you down.”
His blond associate looked at him, bewildered. “Who’re you??”

The Glaring Finns snickered, which was almost scarier than them simply glaring. A moment later however, everyone was in position.

Alarik, decided to make the best out of this one, would take on The Scary One. It might ressemble a bitch fight with drumsticks, but the best drummer would win.

Aleksi would take on Antti, though he wasn’t completely sure his frown and middle finger would be able to defeat the drummer’s grumpiness. It would be a tight match.

Paavo would bravely go against the Glariest Finn of All Finns, though the outcome was far from obvious. Used to bear with Aleksi – who had luckily stayed on the Good Side, he might be able to resist Kimmo’s glare.

Theon had run off after Vivian, because he’d already lost his duck, not his dolphin too.

The air was charged with electricity. Everyone was jumpy, and thus everyone almost had a heartattack.

“What is going on here?”

All eyes turned toward the source of the question. A purple-haired girl, dressed vaguely punk, was looking pointedly at them.

Antti gulped and replied, in a tiny voice, “….nothing.”

The atmosphere was heavy, and soon everyone slowly inched away toward their respective home. An eyebrow raised, the girl continued to watch them without another word, until her eyes fell on the Glariest Finn.

Frowning, she said warningly, “Kimmo… your beard.”

The bassist knew what was at stake. He also knew he only had a few seconds to make a move, but that he would never have the time to remove his facial hair.
His eyes widened, and upon uttering a terrified “OH SHIT”, he ran for his life.

Immediately, the purple-haired girl called for her associate, and soon the two of them were gone after the poor Kimmo.

The remaining fighters looked at each other.
“Again?” asked a very annoyed Aleksi.
“I thought the Selo were supposed to hold them back!” replied apologetically Oskari, just as confused.
“They’re going to be grumpy at me for the rest of the week,” whined Antti, who didn’t manage to get anyone’s sympathy.
“Well, I guess we’ll have to try again next week,” concluded Paavo.

Exchanging greetings and drumstick hits on the head, both camps departed back home, flinching as they heard the fallen King of Glare scream in terror.

~ * ~

The above would have been utterly epic if I had been able to pull it off as a comic, but alas, backgrounds and I do not mix well (failed my classes as a chameleon, see). It was inspired by my friend Las’s awesome name mixing ability, which transformed “The Potato Junkies” (the name of the Therapy! cover band Paavo, Alarik and Aleksi formed after Bloodpit imploded in 2007) into “The Flying Potatoes”. It sounded so much like a superhero league that I did the above sketches, and eventually found them “villains” (the Glaring Finns) and wrote the above story.

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